|
Post by Fuggle on Aug 18, 2004 7:35:05 GMT -5
Being an egg
If you think life is bad now, how would you like to be an egg?
You only get laid once.
You get eaten only once, too.
It takes four minutes to get hard, and only two minutes to get soft.
You share your box with 11 other guys, but worst of all, the only chick that ever sat on your face was your mom!
So cheer up, your life isn't that bad!
|
|
|
Post by Fuggle on Aug 18, 2004 7:36:11 GMT -5
Naked
There was once an old man and a parrot living alone together for 40 years.
One day, the parrot came to the old man and said, "You know, I've never had a woman in my life."
So the old man, as a favor to his best friend, went to the pet store and talked the owner into letting him use a female parrot for one night for the fee of 40 dollars.
He took the female home, put it into the cage with his parrot, covered the cage and went to bed. He was awoken in the middle of the night to the female parrot screaming she was being killed.
He ran out and pulled the cover off the cage. There he saw his male parrot ripping all the feathers off of the female.
"What are you doing?" the old man screamed.
The parrot replied, "Are you kidding, for 40 dollars, I at least want the bitch naked!"
|
|
|
Post by Fuggle on Aug 18, 2004 16:35:56 GMT -5
Something to Ponder
Never hold in farts.
They travel up your spine to your brain.
And that's where shitty ideas come from!
Picture revenge
Two high school sweethearts who went out together for four years in high school were both virgins.
They enjoyed losing their virginity with each other in 10th grade.
When they graduated, they wanted to both go to the same college but the girl was accepted to a college on the east coast, and the guy went to the west coast.
They agreed to be faithful to each other and spend anytime they could together.
As time went on, the guy would call the girl and she would never be home, and when he wrote, she would take weeks to return the letters.
Even when he emailed her, she took days to return his messages.
Finally, she confessed to him she wanted to date around.
He didn't take this very well and increased his calls, letters, and emails trying to win back her love.
Because she became annoyed, and now had a new boyfriend, she wanted to get him off her back.
So, what she did is this, she took a polaroid picture of her sucking her new boyfriend's unmentionables and sent it to her old boyfriend with a note reading, "I found a new boyfriend, leave me alone."
Well, needless to say, this guy was heartbroken but, even more so, was pissed. So what he did next was awesome.
He wrote on the back of the photo the following, "Dear Mom and Dad, having a great time at college, please send more money!" and mailed the picture to her parents.
Great Restaurant
Did you hear about the restaurant that promotes safe sex?
They write the bill on a condom. In that way you can wine and dine your date, and stick her with the bill.
Cigarette?
A man is very ashamed of his penis because of the size.
He has an extremely small penis and doesn't want his girlfriend to dump him when she sees the size.
One night when him and his girlfriend are making out in a dark corner he decides he will show her.
The man unzips his pants, whips out his small dick, and shoves it into her hand.
He sits there impatiently waiting to see her reaction.
His girlfriend says, "Thanks for offering, but I don't smoke."
Pierced
Why do women have their clitoris' pierced?
So men can find it.
|
|
|
Post by Fuggle on Aug 19, 2004 8:02:59 GMT -5
Gutter blonde!
What does a bowling ball and a blonde have in common?
They both can be fingered 3 times, thrown in the gutter, and still come back for more.
Diet
How come a lesbian cannot diet and wear makeup at the same time?
It's hard when you're eating JENNY CRAIG, with MARY KAY on your face. Them Texans
The National Transportation Safety Board recently divulged they had funded a project with the US auto makers for the past five years.
The NTSB covertly funded a project whereby the auto makers were installing black boxes in four wheel drive pickup trucks in an effort to determine, in fatal accidents, the circumstances in the last 15 seconds before the crash.
They were surprised to find in 49 of the 50 states the last words of drivers in 61.2% of fatal crashes were, "Oh, Shit!"
Only the state of Texas was different, where 89.3% of the final words were, "Hey Y'all, hold my beer and watch this!"
|
|
|
Post by Fuggle on Aug 20, 2004 9:50:57 GMT -5
Moon River
Two teenagers wander off to the bushes during a softball game on the outskirts of town and start necking.
After a while the boy stops.
"You know we've been doing this for a few weeks now and I think it's time we went all the way." he pleads.
"Well, maybe," she says, "but I'm a virgin and I heard it hurts. Besides all those people at the field may hear us."
The boy stops and says, "Hmmm, well then if it hurts, start making cow sounds, and I'll stop. But if it feels good start singing. That way no one will ever guess what we're really doing."
The girl agrees so they quickly take off their clothes and get down to business.
Ten minutes later people watching the game hear sounds echoing through the quiet countryside so loudly that the teams stop playing.
"Moooo ..... Moooooo ...... Moooooooon River .......!" Credit
A man walks into a house of ill repute in Reno and says, "I'll give $20,000 to any woman here who'll come into the desert with me and do it MY way."
One of the ladies agrees, and off they go driving into the desert.
After about an hour she gets curious, and asks him, "Just what is your way?"
"On credit."
Lost it!
A guy and a girl are lying in a dorm-room bed after just having sex.
The guy lies on his side of the bed and rests.
The girl rolls to her side of the bed and says to herself, "I finally did it! I'm no longer a virgin."
The guy overhears her talking to herself and asks, "Are you saying you lost your virginity to me?"
"Well," the girl explains, "I always wanted to wait until I was with the man I love to lose my virginity."
Astounded, the guy replies, "So you really love me?"
"Oh God no!" the girl says. "I just got sick of waiting."
Sex test
1. The clitoris is a type of flower. True or False
2. A pubic hair is a wild rabbit. True or False
3. Spread Eagle is an extinct bird. True or False
4. Vagina is a medical term used to describe a Heart Attack. True or False
5. A menstrual cycle has three wheels. True or False
6. A G-string is part of a fiddle. True or False
7. Semen is a term for sailors. True or False
8. Anus is a Latin term for yearly. True or False
9. Testicles are found on an Octopus. True or False
10. Asphalt describes rectal problems. True or False
11. KOTEX is a radio station in Cincinnati. True or False
12. Masturbate is used to catch large fish. True or False
13. Coitus is a musical instrument. True or False
14. Fetus is a character on Gunsmoke. True or False
15. An umbilical chord is part of a parachute. True or False
16. A condom is a large apartment complex. True or False
17. An orgasm is a person who accompanies a church choir. True or False
18. A diaphragm is a drawing in geometry. True or False
19. A dildo is a variety of sweet pickle. True or False
20. An erection is when Japanese people vote. True or False
21. A lesbian is a person from the Middle East. True or False
22. Sodomy is a special land of fast growing grass. True or False
23. Pornography is the business of making records. True or False
24. Genitals are people of non-Jewish origin. True or False
25. Douche is the French word for "twelve". True or False
Home yet?
A middle aged woman sought help from her doctor.
"All my husband does is complain that I never want to have sex with him," she said. "And he's right too. I have no desire at all."
The doctor gave her a prescription and told her to return for a visit in two weeks. After the two weeks were up, she bounced smiling into his office.
"Those pills were great Doc, I'm doin' it twice a night now."
"That's wonderful," said the doctor, "What does your husband say now?"
"How should I know?" she replied. "I ain't been home yet."
|
|
|
Post by Fuggle on Aug 20, 2004 9:58:49 GMT -5
Whistle
Why do female sky divers wear tampons?
So they don't whistle on the way down. Furniture
There were these two ovaries and they were cleaning their house when they heard a knock at the door.
"I'll get the door." says the first ovary.
She looks out the peep hole and says, "Did you order furniture?"
"No, why?" askes the other ovary.
"Because there are two nuts at the door trying to shove in an organ!" Bad weather
This old man went to a whorehouse and said to the manager that he wanted something different.
So the manager sent him up to room "69".
He got in there and this woman named Hurricane Sally stripped him down and began working wonders.
Suddenly she pissed on his stomach, he asked, "What the hell was that?"
She replied, "That is the cooling rain falling all over you."
She got at it again and farted in his face.
He said, "What the hell was that?"
She then again replied, "That is the warm ocean winds blowing."
Suddenly the man got up and started to get dressed.
Hurricane Sally said, "Where are you going?"
He said, "Hell, a man can't fuck with this kind of weather!" Coming or going?
What do a condom and a coffin have in common?
They're both filled with stiffs - only one's coming and one's going.
|
|
|
Post by Fuggle on Aug 23, 2004 9:13:08 GMT -5
Run faster
Mother Superior: "Sister Maria, if you walk through town at night, and you're accosted by a man with bad intentions, what would you do?"
Sister Maria: "I would lift my habit, Mother Superior."
Mother Superior (shocked): "And what would you do next?"
Sister Maria: "I would tell him to drop his pants."
Mother Superior: (even more shocked) "And what then?"
Sister Maria: "I would run away. I can run much faster with my habit up than he can with his pants down!" Golf
Two women were playing golf one sunny morning.
The first of the twosome teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly towards a foursome of men playing the next hole.
Indeed the ball hit one of the men and he immediately clasped his hands together at his crotch and fell to the ground where he proceeded to roll around in evident agony.
The woman rushed over to the man and began to apologize. "Please allow me to help. I'm a physical therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you'd allow me."
"Ummph, oooh, nooo, I'll be alright...I'll be fine in a few minutes," he replied breathlessly as he remained in the fetal position still clasping his hands together at the crotch.
But she persisted and he finally allowed her to help him.
She gently took his hands away and loosened his pants and put her hands inside. She began to massage him.
She then asked him, "How does that feel now?"
The man replied, "That feels great, but my thumb still hurts like hell."
Harassment?
Do you know what sexual harassment is?
It's when a man talks dirty to a woman.
What is it when a woman talks dirty to a man?
$3.99 a minute.
Dad is rich
An eighteen-year-old girl tells her mom that she has missed her period for two months.
Very worried, the mother goes to the drugstore and buys a pregnancy kit.
The test result shows that the girl is pregnant.
Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says, "Who was the pig that did this to you? I want to know!"
The girl picks up the phone and makes a call.
Half an hour later a Ferrari stops in front of their house, a mature and distinguished man with gray hair and impeccably dressed in a very expensive suit steps out of it and enters the house.
He sits in the living room with the father, the mother and the girl, and tells them, "Good morning, your daughter has informed me of the problem. However, I can't marry her because of my personal family situation, but I'll take charge.
If a girl is born I will bequeath her 2 retail stores, a townhouse, a beach villa and a $1,000,000 bank account.
If a boy is born, my legacy will be a couple of factories and a $2,000,000 bank account.
If it is twins, a factory and $1,000,000 each. However, if there is a miscarriage, what do you suggest I do?"
At this point, the father, who had remained silent, places a hand firmly on the man's shoulder and tells him, "You'll try again!" Wager
A deaf mute walks into a pharmacy to buy some condoms.
He has difficulty communicating with the pharmacist and cannot see the condoms on the shelf. Frustrated, he finally unzips his pants, places his dick on the counter and puts down a five dollar bill next to it.
The pharmacist looks at it, smacks down another five dollars, unzips his pants, lays his penis across from the deaf mute's member, then picks up both bills and stuffs them in his pocket.
Exasperated, the deaf mute begins to curse the pharmacist wildly in sign language.
"Look," the pharmacist says, "if you can't afford to lose, you shouldn't bet."
|
|
|
Post by Fuggle on Aug 25, 2004 9:47:43 GMT -5
Beautiful
The teacher says, "Children, today I will ask each of you to come to the front of the class and use a word in a sentence.
Today's word is 'beautiful.'
Little Sally, would you please come up here and use "beautiful" in a sentence?"
Little Sally walked to the front of the room, thought for a moment and said, "Teacher, my mom is the most beautiful woman in the world."
Teacher says, "Very good, Little Sally, you may sit.
Little Frankie, your turn."
Little Frankie walked to the front of the room, thought for a moment and said, "Teacher, the sunrise this morning was the most beautiful sunrise I have ever seen."
Teacher says, "Very good, Little Frankie, you may sit.
Little Johnny, it's your turn."
Little Johnnie walked to the front of the room, thought for a moment and said, "Teacher, last night my big sister told my dad that she was pregnant and he said, 'Beautiful, just fucking beautiful.'" Insensitive
What is the insensitive bit at the base of the penis called?
Man. Brains
Why don't women have any brains?
Because they don't have any testicles to put them in. Where's the wife?
Three couples went out camping.
The three husbands stayed in one tent and the three wives stayed in the other.
At about 3 in the morning, Bob woke up and yelled, "Wow, unbelievable!"
Bill woke up and asked, "What's going on?"
Bob said, "I've got to go to the other tent and find my wife."
"How come?"
"To have sex! I just woke up with the biggest hard-on I've ever had in my life!"
After a pause, Bill said, "Do you want me to come with you?"
"Hell, no! Why would I want you to do that?"
"Because that's my dick you're holding." S & M
Sue and Sally meet at their 30th class reunion, and they haven't seen each other since graduation.
They begin to talk and bring each other up to date. The conversation covers their husbands, their children, homes, etc., and finally gets around to their sex lives.
Sue says, "It's ok, we get it on every week or so, but it's no big adventure. How's yours?"
Sally replies, "It's just great, ever since we got into S&M."
Sue is aghast, "Really, Sally, I never would have guessed that you would go for that!!"
"Oh, sure," says Sally, "He snores while I masturbate."
|
|
|
Post by Fuggle on Aug 27, 2004 7:56:41 GMT -5
Dirty taste...
Two tigers were stalking through the jungles of Asia.
Suddenly, the one to the rear reached out with his tongue, and licked the posterior of the tiger in front of him.
The startled front tiger turned and said, "Cut it out." The rear tiger apologized, and they continued onward.
About five minutes later, it happened again.
The front tiger turned, growling, "I said stop it." The rear tiger again apologized, and they continued.
Another five minutes passed, and again the front tiger felt the unwanted tongue.
The front tiger turned, giving the rear tiger a ferocious glare, angrily hissing, "What is it with you?"
The rear tiger replied, "I'm sorry, I really didn't mean to offend you. But I just ate a lawyer and I'm trying to get the taste out of my mouth!" Sound advice
I was riding to work yesterday when I observed a female driver cut right in front of a pickup truck causing him to have to drive on to the shoulder to avoid hitting her.
This evidently angered the driver enough that he hung his arm out his window and flipped the woman off. "Man, that guy is stupid" I thought to myself.
I ALWAYS smile nicely and wave in a sheepish manner whenever a female does anything to me in traffic and here's why: I drive 48 miles each way every day to work, that's 96 miles each day.
Of these, 16 miles each way is bumper-to-bumper. Most of the bumper-to-bumper is on an 8 lane highway so if you just look at the 7 lanes I am not in, that means I pass something like a new car every 40 feet per lane.
That's 7 cars every 40 feet for 32 miles. That works out to be 982 cars every mile, or 31,424 cars. Even though the rest of the 32 miles is not bumper to bumper, I figure I pass at least another 4000 cars.
That brings the number to something like 36,000 cars I pass every day.
Statistically, half of these are driven by females, that's 18,000. In any given group of females, 1 in 28 has PMS.That's 642.
According to Cosmopolitan, 70% describe their love life as dissatisfying or unrewarding. That's 449.
According to the National Institute of Health, 22% of all females have seriously considered suicide or homicide. That's 98. And 34% describe men as their biggest problem. That's 33.
According to the National Rifle Association 5% of all females carry weapons and this number is increasing.
That means that EVERY SINGLE DAY I drive past at least one female that has... a lousy love life, thinks men are her biggest problem, has seriously considered suicide or homicide, has PMS, and is ARMED!
FLIP ONE OFF?? I THINK NOT!! Guinness v Lager
"Doctor - I think my prick is too small."
"Do you drink?"
"Yes, Lager,"
"Aaaahhh. There's your problem. It shrinks things, Lager. You should try drinking Guinness. That makes things grow."
... Two months later ...
"From your smile I take it you now drink Guinness?"
"No - I've got the wife on Lager!" Chap stick?
A cowboy walks into a saloon and orders a whiskey, which he then throws back in one quick gulp.
Immediately he rushes back outside, lifts his horse’s tail and gives it a huge smacking kiss square on the hole.
He then goes back into the bar and orders another whiskey.
The bartender slides it along the bar, and once again the cowboy downs it, rushes out of the bar, goes to his horse, lifts its tail and gives it a huge kiss.
By the time he goes back into the bar and orders his third shot, a number of other patrons are looking at him with a fair bit of interest.
The bartender decides he’d better ask what’s going on before the cowboy gets too drunk to answer.
"Say, partner, why is it that every time you order a whiskey you go out and kiss your horse on the ass?"
The cowboy, in his best drawl, replies, "Chapped lips."
The bartender says with some surprise, "Oh, does that cure them?"
The cowboy says, "Nope, but it sure stops me lickin' 'em." Beer drinking
A Mexican drinks his Tecate and suddenly throws his glass in the air, pulls out a pistol and shoots the glass to pieces.
He says, "In Mexico our glasses are so cheap that we don't need to drink from the same one twice."
An Iraqi, obviously impressed by this, drinks his camelshit beer, throws his glass into the air, pulls out his AK 47 and shoots the glass to pieces.
He says, "In Iraq we have so much sand to make the glasses that we don't need to drink out of the same glass twice, either."
A U.S. Army soldier, cool as a cucumber, picks up his Miller Lite and drinks it, throws his glass into the air, pulls out his M-4 Carbine and shoots the Mexican and the Iraqi.
He says "In America we have so many Mexicans and Arabs that we don't need to drink with the same ones twice." Bare Schnauzer
A lady with a prize-winning schnauzer figured that he was going deaf. He wouldn't come when she called. When she took him out for a walk he wouldn't heel like he had been taught to do.
As a matter of fact, when the dog wasn't looking and she called him, he acted like he didn't hear her at all. So she took him to the vet.
The vet looked the dog over and gave him a complete physical. He told the lady, "There's nothing wrong with your dog at all. Look here. He has excessive hair growing in his ears, which led you to believe that he is deaf. He can't hear you, but he isn't deaf.
You can treat this with a depilatory. I haven't got any in stock, but you can get some 'Neet' or 'Nair' at your local pharmacy. This will work just as well as the doggy brand will."
So the lady went to the nearest store and picked up a small bottle of Nair and looked over the instructions. There was nothing on the carton that related to her dog so she took it to the druggist and asked his advice.
"How do I apply this product," she asked. "Do I put it on right out of the bottle or do I dilute it or what?"
The druggist said, "For your legs, put it on straight. Right out of the bottle. For your underarms, I recommend that you dilute it 50-50 with water."
She said, "I don't think that you understand. It's for my schnauzer."
"Oh," said the druggist. "In that case, I suggest that you dilute it 3 to 1 with water. And by the way, I wouldn't ride a bicycle for a few days."
|
|
|
Post by Fuggle on Aug 27, 2004 8:06:17 GMT -5
I'd rather sit
Two men at a bar had been enjoying a few drinks for the past couple of hours and were pretty drunk when one notices a beautiful woman sitting in the corner. One says to the other, "Jeez, I'd really like to dance with that girl."
The other replies, "Well go ahead and ask her, don't be a chicken shit."
So the man approaches the lovely woman and says, "Excuse me. Would you be so kind as to dance with me." Seeing the man is totally drunk the woman says, "I'm sorry. Right now I'm concentrating on matrimony and I'd rather sit than dance."
So the man humbly returns to his friend. "So what did she say?" he asks.
"She said she's constipated on macaroni and would rather shit in her pants." Money back
A guy is sitting in a bar drooling over a hot woman in a miniskirt.
He decides to send her a drink, and not only does she get up and sit next to him, but they also have an amazing conversation.
Finally, the woman says, “Look, you seem like a really nice guy, so I have to tell you that I’m a working girl. I get $200 for what you think you’re about to get for free.”
“I have no problem with the money,” the man replies. “But since you were so straight forward, I must tell you that when I come, I go nuts. I bite, scratch, kick, punch, pull hair, break furniture and just plain destroy the place.”
“Oh my God!” the woman says. “How long does that last?”
“Until I get my $200 back,” he replies. Bald head
A farmer and his wife are given the gift of a parrot from a relative.
The parrot being a male sneaks out and screws the next door neighbors turkeys and rushes back home before being caught in the act.
The next door neighbors knock on the door and explain what the parrot has been doing.
The owners of the parrot reprimand him and tell him if he doesn't stop it he's going to shave the parrot's head.
That night the parrot, overcome with desire, sneaks out again and screws his neighbors turkeys again. The next morning the owner ties the bird down and proceeds to shave his head.
The following morning is the farmers daughter's wedding, and in order to please the relative that gave them the parrot they sit the parrot on a piano and tell him for his punishment he has to greet all the guests and tell them where to sit in the church.
The parrot is doing fine. "Groom's side to the left and Bride's side to the right."
Then two bald guys walk in and he says, "And you two turkey fuckers, up on the piano with me." Talking dog
This guy sees a sign in front of a house: "Talking Dog for Sale."
He rings the bell and the owner tells him the dog is in the backyard.
The guy goes into the backyard and sees a black mutt just sitting there.
"You talk?" he asks. "Yep," the mutt replies.
"So, what's your story?"
The mutt looks up and says, "Well, I discovered this gift pretty young and I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA about my gift, and in no time they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping."
"I was one of their most valuable spies eight years running. The jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger and I wanted to settle down."
"So I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security work, mostly wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings there and was awarded a batch of medals. Had a wife, a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired."
The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.
The owner says, "Ten dollars."
The guy says, "This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him so cheaply?"
The owner replies, "He's such a F**king liar. He didn't do any of that shit."
|
|
|
Post by Lord Toodle of Pip on Aug 27, 2004 10:48:36 GMT -5
A Pacific cruise ship sinks with only 3 survivors, David, Darren and Daisy. They swim to a small island and live there for a couple of years doing what comes naturally. But Daisy feels so bad about having sex with both David and Darren, she kills herself. Sad for David and Darren but they get over it and again nature takes its course. After a couple of years the lads feel really bad about what they are doing ............................................. So they bury her. Toodle Pip!
|
|
|
Post by flea2 on Aug 27, 2004 14:17:19 GMT -5
A boy, nearing his bar mitzvah, decides to live a better life. He goes to his rabbi, who is orthodox and asks him : "Rabbi, does listening to my punk rock violate any mitzvot?" The rabbi ponders this and says : "I can not say, until you tell me what punk rock is." The boy, disapointed, seeks a second opinion in a conservative rabbi from a synagogue in the same town. Again he asks : "Rabbi, does listening to my punk rock violate any mitzvot?" Once again the rabbi ponders and answers: "I can not say, until you tell me what punk rock is." very frustrated, the boy seeks his last option, the consultation of a rabbi from a reform synagogue. Once again the boy asks: "Rabbi, does listening to my punk rock violate any mitzvot?" The rabbi ponders the question and answers: "I can not say, until you tell me mitzvot is." ;D ahhh sorry guys, Jewish humor
|
|
|
Post by flea2 on Aug 27, 2004 14:20:31 GMT -5
A boy, nearing his bar mitzvah, decides to live a better life. He goes to his rabbi, who is orthodox and asks him : "Rabbi, does listening to my punk rock violate any mitzvot?" The rabbi ponders this and says : "I can not say, until you tell me what punk rock is." The boy, disapointed, seeks a second opinion in a conservative rabbi from a synagogue in the same town. Again he asks : "Rabbi, does listening to my punk rock violate any mitzvot?" Once again the rabbi ponders and answers: "I can not say, until you tell me what punk rock is." very frustrated, the boy seeks his last option, the consultation of a rabbi from a reform synagogue. Once again the boy asks: "Rabbi, does listening to my punk rock violate any mitzvot?" The rabbi ponders the question and answers: "I can not say, until you tell me what mitzvot is." ;D ahhh sorry guys, Jewish humor yea, it was supposed to say "what mitzvot is". Yea, I know you think it's not a funny joke, but I'm still cracking the hell up
|
|
|
Post by Fuggle on Aug 27, 2004 15:52:15 GMT -5
Without an asshole
What do you call a woman without an asshole?
Divorced. Repeat
Dr. Whitcomb was examining a pretty blonde, New York high fashion model.
"My, you have a big vagina! My, you have a big vagina!"
"Oh, Doctor," retorted the girl, "You didn't have to repeat it!"
"I didn't!" said the M.D. "I didn't!" Safe sex
What's the most important question to ask when you want to have safe sex?
What time will your husband get home?
|
|
|
Post by Fuggle on Aug 30, 2004 15:41:54 GMT -5
10 minutes ago
A Mormon, a Jew, and an African-American arrive together at St. Peter's gate.
"Before you can be admitted," says St. Peter, "I'd like you each to tell me why you deserve to be here."
The Mormon speaks first, "I've devoted my life to helping my fellow man."
The Jew says, "I've given countless hours to the support of my community and to helping the State of Israel."
"And you?" says St. Peter, turning to the African-American.
"I spent my whole life in Boston, trying to improve race relations. I even married an Irish-Catholic girl."
"Really? When did this happen?"
"Oh, about ten minutes ago."
Pink or purple
What is the difference between pink and purple?
The grip.
|
|